Friday, December 15, 2006

A Woman's Mind

I'm not sure I understand this - maybe that's the point! (Click for a larger version)

Pussy Whipped

Alfie has returned! There I was cleaning my kitchen, I opened the door to take out some rubbish and in she wandered, not a care in the world. We have noticed a few changes in her behaviour, like when she goes to sleep she'll wake up in a panic and she won't be left alone and every time I leave the room she screams but apart from that...

The Hateful (nearly)dead

Aaah old people. Dontcha love 'em? Stinky gits the lot of 'em. Apart from my dear old Gran, bless her poor deceased cotton socks.

Spend two minutes now and name me five people over the age of 60 - apart from immediate family you have a scarily unnecessary emotional attachment to - who deserve to carry on breathing......Can't do it can you? The truth of the matter is, that despite the usual protests that these literal degenerates have amassed years of useful experience, they don't have any meaningful purpose. What do they choose to do with their collective selves? Do they go around schools explaining why they're so decrepit, telling all the innocent children where they're going wrong in life, how they managed to single-handedly win the war (if they're American obviously) or even visiting sad and lonely tossers in hospital, who, lying in cancerificly awful pain, yearn for just someone to talk to? Do they bum. (That's not a question by the way). They decide, for it is so clearly a choice, to sit and watch DAYTIME TELEVISION. Admittedly this isn't a bad thing in itself, DT being highly addictive but it's such a waste of experience...

And why should they persist in clogging up the supermarkets everyday with their urine stinkiness? If they must micturate in their clothes, surely they must have learned that one trip a week allows them to vegetate even more??

There are distinct flavours of Homo Senilis. My particular favourite is that of the female variety with "Big Bottom Disease". Much like the theory of evolution, there doesn't seem to be an intermediate stage for BBD. There goes a middle-aged lady walking down the street, with her relatively pert rear-end when she is suddenly afflicted with BBD (not that you'll ever see this happen). It must be made clear that BBD is not just for those ladies of a more...obese nature. BBD happens irrespective of general body size and is distinctly more pronounced in those who are in fact quite small. Notice how the have to lean forward to compensate for the rear weight. Notice also how the affected area can balance a tray of pint glasses, something which old women fail to appreciate, adding further credence to the argument above.

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