Oh the PAIN

A pledge.

I, [insert name here], do swear to go through hell, to push my lungs to their full capacity in the pursuit of bodily masochism. No longer shall these buttocks be flabby; no more shall my gut wobble when I walk. For today and from now infinitum, I shall exercise. For my heart is in the hands of my treadmill, my brain is in the pit of my pants and my lungs hurtsoveryfuckingmuchpleasemakethepainstopsoon.

Today, I weigh 204 pounds. Let the record show this to be approximately true.